When The Holidays Don’t Bring Joy…But You Want Them To

The Winter Holiday season can be a time of togetherness, fun, ritual, tradition, worship, and joy. And, it can also be tremendously stressful. Especially if you have a chronic illness, such as depression, bipolar disorder, or chronic pain.

Here are some practical tips to help minimize the stress and increase the joy this season.

• Ask for help and support. Who are your support people? The people who will understand when you just don’t have the energy for certain things and also understand that you may still want to do those things. These are the people who will help you make accommodations so you can enjoy as much as is possible. Take a minute, and make a list of the people whom you can be completely yourself around.
• Remember what you love about the season. Prioritize the things you love. If you love gift giving but find decorating to be a chore, focus on the gift giving and skip the decorating! There are spiritual, traditional, and religious reasons to participate in the holidays. Focus on the pleasant memories that you’d like to honor and replicate this season.
• Find shortcuts. Love the smell of fresh baked cookies but hate making the dough? Buy the pre-made dough. Or, buy pre-made cookies and light a vanilla or gingerbread candle. Maybe you love giving cards, but handwriting and mailing them is too taxing. Send e-cards. Like outdoor lights, but it’s too much to deal with? Get a star shower or other projection light. Do as much “ready made” activities as you can!
• Stop and start the day over if you need to. This is helpful for any day, not just the holidays. Sometimes it seems that the day just gets away from us, and we just want the day to be over. In those moments, just stop. Go and splash some cold water in your face. Breathe. And then give yourself a do-over.
• Remember your basic self care! You may have dietary and nutritional needs that you may be tempted to ignore when there are extra treats around. Enjoy your treats in moderation, and make sure that you are honoring your body. It’s also important to maintain your sleep patterns!
• Maintain light exercise. A 10 minute walk and/or stretching routine can wake up your body and relieve stress.
• Maintain your boundaries. A boundary involves saying yes to everything you actually like and no to everything that is neither useful nor joyful. Nobody is going to want a gift if it is going to cause a financial strain. Your family and friends won’t want you to spend time out if it’s going to exhaust and deplete you.
• Finally, if there’s nothing you really like about this season, honestly you can just opt out. I’m serious. For some of us, the holidays invoke really painful childhood memories. If that’s the case for you, please give yourself permission just to “skip” the season. If this feels authentic to you, you may need to have some open and honest conversations with the people you love. If they don’t understand what’s going on, it can create conflict in your relationships. Most people will understand and accommodate your needs IF you give them the courtesy of explaining the situation with them. Keeping silent may just compound the stress and irritation of the season. Let’s face it, the “holiday season” starts in October and isn’t completely over until January. It’s a long time to stay in a funk and potentially create conflict in your relationships. I want you to feel empowered to opt out and also to make alternative plans.

I wish you a peaceful and stress-free holiday season, no matter how much or little you celebrate. If you are finding that this season is invoking painful memories, conflict in your relationships, or that you are not really able to maintain your usual level of functioning, talking with a therapist and/or starting medication may help. If you are in the state of Georgia, call 678-332-7955 or visit us at www.thenorthropconnection.com. If you are outside of the state of Georgia, you can find competent therapists at www.psychologytoday.com.