Turbulent Times

We are living in some extremely turbulent times. We are in the midst of a global pandemic. We’re all still trying to figure out what that really means. We are torn between protecting our health, protecting the health of others, and protecting our economy and personal freedoms. A health crisis has turned political, and many of us have felt compelled to choose a side. We long to “go back to normal” and enjoy our freedoms without fear of illness. In addition, we have seen civil unrest in response to police brutality that has not been seen in this scale in decades. Many of us are trying to learn more, to understand and examine our own prejudices. Again, a human rights issue has been made political. The “fake news” on both issues have ranged from misleading, to outright lies, to absolutely absurd. Again, we are seemingly required to choose a side. All of this along with the day to day inner workings of our homes and relationships can be so overwhelming, exhausting, and draining.

I’m reminded of a metaphor that many of you have certainly heard before. Though very few of us have travelled by plan in the past few months, take a moment and remember your last plane ride. After you get yourself settled in your seat, and the plane starts to taxi, your flight attendant stands in the front of the row and talks to you about safety procedures. You are taught how to use a seatbelt, encouraged to wear it, and shown the exits. Then, your flight attendant cautions you that in case of loss of cabin pressure, the oxygen masks will drop. You are encouraged to put your mask on first before assisting others. We are told to do this because we can do no good for others if we are impaired from a lack of oxygen. Attempting to care for others when we are not well enough to do so means that you probably won’t get the mask on your child well enough, so they won’t get the oxygen they need, and you will be too impaired to get your own mask on correctly. Taking the time to get yours on properly and taking a few healing breaths will allow you to properly care for your child or other loved one in need.

Well, let me tell you something, we have lost cabin pressure. Many of us are grasping at straws trying to figure out what to do…we’re trying to stay informed, make our opinions heard, take care of the kids, take care of the bills, keep our business going, and more. In short, we’re putting the oxygen mask on everyone and everything except for us! Just as I don’t disagree with putting the oxygen mask on your kid, I don’t disagree with any of these other responses. It’s just that we’ve got to pay attention to the order. We have to start from within and work our way outward. When we take care of ourselves first and take some of those healing breaths, we are so much better for everyone around us. We are much less susceptible to the notion of taking sides. We are better able to recognize fake news as actually being fake. We are kinder to others. We are more organized. We are more effective in taking care of our businesses, jobs, and finances. We are more compassionate in our relationships.

My recommendation and hope for you is that you will take some time for self-care. This doesn’t (necessarily) mean bubble baths and bon bons. Effective self-care is the type of care that increases your resilience. In times of strive, I always recommend going back to the “basics”. You’ve heard it before, but here it is again:

You have to get sleep! We make terrible decisions and are much more emotionally volatile in conditions of sleep deprivation. You need to balance your eating and stay hydrated. Junk food is allowed, but please try to balance it out with some fresh fruits and veggies. And, drink the water! You also need exercise. No need for strenuous workouts, just move your body! You can take walks, stretch, bounce on the trampoline with your kids, hike, swim, yoga, weights, or anything that helps you to move your body! If you’re on medication as prescribed, please take it. Balance mood altering substances or even cut them out altogether.

You’ll also be well served if you can take care of your mental health in a way that is meaningful for you. Gratitude practices create resilience and protection against depression and emotional malaise. Prayer, mindfulness, meditation, and intention setting are all practices that can aid in your positive mindset. You can also look outward for inspiration and entertainment. Follow an inspirational blogger or podcaster. Read or listen to inspirational and maybe even educational books. Turn on a comedy or even a cheesy Hallmark movie. Think about what sorts of things get you in a good mood, and then do those things. Finally, consider if you would benefit from the services of a therapist or life coach. There are seasoned professionals out there who can help you find and use your personal oxygen mask.

All of these self-care strategies are the equivalent of putting your oxygen mask on first. They are the things that will prepare you to care for others. They are the things that will prepare you to make the best decisions for yourself and your family and to thrive in your job and/or business endeavors. Allow yourself the time and space to lean in to these strategies. It is not selfish to care for yourself first. It is essential.

Then, when your oxygen mask is firmly in place, you can start assisting others with their masks. Share with them your strategies for self-care. Do your own research, then start helping others with theirs. Your personal path through the turbulence that is 2020 will become ever so much clearer.  As you search for your path, I ask you to consider a few things:

• Consider your personal goals. These goals can evolve over time, of course, but take some time to think about your goals for the rest of 2020. There are only 6 months left, so try to stay true to those goals just for the rest of this year. Do the things that will get you closer to those goals, and try to block out any noise outside of those goals.
• When you are presented with information, consider the source, and make sure that the information is coming from a reputable and reliable place. If not, simply regard the information as fiction, and move on.
• If you are feeling compelled to choose a “side”, ask yourself if that is truly necessary.
• As you support others (helping others with their mask), consider if your support is wanted and welcomed.
• Ask yourself if what you are doing, saying, and posting will be something of which you are proud a year from now.
• Allow others to have an opinion that differs from yours. You are not responsible for correcting others or changing their minds. You are free to share your own opinion, but please don’t do it with the goal of changing the minds of others. It will just end up in frustration and will be the equivalent of taking your mask off.
• As you help others with their oxygen masks, try to do so in a way that you would want to be helped. Offer compassion and generosity in your interpretations of others.

Finally, I ask you to extend grace and compassion to yourself and others. We’re all trying to figure out our path. Many of us completely forgot to put our own oxygen mask on first, and we’re not focused on our goals. We’ve lost our way. When you find yourself faltering, put that mask back on, take some healing breaths, and keep going. When you see others faltering, make sure your mask is firmly in place, and help them find theirs. The healing is going to happen. We just have to collectively take the next right steps. We can go through turbulence and still reach out destination.