What Daylight Savings Time Can Teach About Radical Acceptance

Many years ago, on the day of a time change, I was lamenting to my husband that I was tired or hungry or some other sensation that my biological clock was in charge of, and I remarked to him that my feelings were normal because it was “really” an hour earlier.

His response was understanding but emphatic.

It was “really” the time that it really was (accounting for the time change).

It didn’t really matter that my body thought it was a different time. It didn’t really matter that I had not been consulted about this ritual of changing time twice per year. It didn’t matter that I didn’t think that we should change time. It didn’t matter about any of this.

What mattered was that powers greater than me had changed time. They do it twice a year. There is really no sense in getting upset about it or having any feelings about it at all.

Initially, though, I was a bit irritated. It felt like my feelings and biological clock were not being considered at all. It was amazing, however, just how quickly I adapted. I just decided that the new time was the new time. I maintained my usual sleep/wake times based on the new time, and I completely let go of the “old” time. I have continued this practice ever since. I don’t let my kids get into a twist about it either. If it’s bright and sunny at 8:30pm (their bedtime), and it doesn’t feel fair that they should have to go to bed, too bad.

To be clear, I am quite kind about it, and I allow for the feelings and frustrations. I let them tell me that it does not feel fair to go to bed when there is still so much light left. And then they fall asleep, and then they are able to wake up at the proper time the following morning.

The point here is that when we accept life on life’s terms, we can actually adapt and deal with life on life’s terms. We can’t control the fact that the time changes. It does not matter if we do not like it, do not think this is a practice we should continue, or if we do not feel that it is fair. The time is the time.

Our cell phones, computers and other devices connected to the internet go ahead and change the time for us at precisely the proper time. Our jobs expect us to be present at the “new” time, no matter if we feel too tired or that it is not fair or should not be this way. School will start at the “new” time. Appointments are kept at the “new” time.

If we waste our time and energy thinking and worrying about how life should be or what is fair in life, we will never have the opportunity to embrace life and to adapt to it.

Radical acceptance is a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) skill that teaches us to fully and completely accept life exactly as it is. Accepting life can create sadness, anger, worry, or more, but once you have accepted what needs to be accepted, a deep calm can wash over you. This calm allows for your problem solving and adaptation skills to kick in. It may be that there is no problem to solve, just as with the time change. It could be that all you need to “solve” is the problem in your mind that is resistant to the change. It could be that allowing yourself to “just go with it” can set you free.

I implore you to use this time change as a tool to learn radical acceptance. If you find yourself wanting to have a meal or plan your sleep schedule over the “old” time, let that go. The “old” time was yesterday. Today we are in Daylight Savings. Though I’m still not sure what we’re saving the daylight from, it is here. If your house functions best when you have dinner around 6:30 and your kids are in bed by 8:30, stick with that. Just go with it.

If you’d like to learn more about radical acceptance skills, you can reach out to me directly at 678-332-7955, follow me at www.thenorthropconnection.com, or you can visit The Linehan Institute at https://linehaninstitute.org/.